Like explorers of old who sail for the edge of their maps, and find there a rich landscape that’s teaming with life and colours as well as things that appear alien and very scary, in my exploration into what true nourishment really is, how nourishment feels, and what impact it may have on all areas of my life, I have discovered a richness that invites a deeper and deeper exploration; and, through moving into and noticing what opens up for me with each new depth, the possibility to live in a way that is both beautiful and bursting with life, and undeniably confronting and consistently challenging.

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It seems such a wonderful idea, that we are all one. That there's this thread that runs so deeply through us all that no matter what is happening, there is something greater than our seemingly-shallow human responses to each other of frustration and anger and rejection, or even joy and love: the idea that beyond it all, I am you and you are me.

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Most of us have spent our lives constructing a hall of mirrors around us, so that we don’t have to look ourselves square in the face. Because to really look, to really look, is not very pretty and it hurts. To see ourselves, know ourselves, as we really are means seeing the reality of the human animal: wholeness. And learning to walk through this world as a whole person is a whole other ball game.

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I don’t have a shadow side. Nope. No, I have a living, breathing multi-grey toned smoke cloud that encircles me, all no room to breathe and a physical intensity. But don’t worry, I know it well. My shadow and I, while I can’t yet call it a friend, is no longer a flat-out enemy, and we’re working things out.

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In Japan, when a ceramic bowl or pot breaks or cracks, the Japanese use lacquers dusted with precious and rare elements: gold, silver, or platinum. And through the mending of these objects, they make a new object, one that is infinitely more beautiful than it was before. They call this kintsukuroi, literally meaning ‘golden mend’. It is both an art and a philosophy.

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I hate positivity. I really do. And there’s a very good reason you should too; it could be that it’s pretty much ruining your life.  

Positivity is so pervasive. Everywhere we look there’s another Facebook or Instagram post telling us how we can bring more of it into our lives, advising us on how we can think, act, and be more positive.

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I’ve been doing a lot of letting go recently. All my life I’ve held on to things so closely. I’ve held them tight in my chest, deep inside my heart, clutched fiercely in my hands. So very many things that hurt. I’ve been full to the brim with all sorts of poison, while dreaming of being pure and light. 

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